A little babe...

A little Babe,  

A tiny spot, 

Insufficient on my own.

An helpless one, 

An observant eye,

Taking in what goes around.

A lot of waiting

A lot unknown,

Mystery is unfolding.

Take the leap 

dare to breathe 

the world is so inspiring

creativity 

in birds and trees

Gems of knowledge in Other people. 

May I learn

May I grow
In the way of the Son Incarnate

Just a babe, 

In a spot on the globe
Giving up sufficiency on his own. 

Infused...

"The Glory of God infused in flesh..." 

That was a phrase I pondered last night. 

Infused. 

The life and death and life again of the saviour overflows with the goodness of this phrase, and I wondered at my awareness of the cosmic story that plays the leading role in this universe.

As we are being made in the likeness of our creator, do I have eyes to see this infusion of life and glory surrounding me.  I know I like to think I do, but I also know I am ignorant of so much, both by choice and by mystery yet to be revealed. I find it fairly obvious to see this infusion in Christ, but not so obvious in my own life or in the life of others, who like me, say that we are now alive in the one who actually has this infusion thing going for him. 

I witness the frustration and judgement within me towards people I supposedly care about when I see them refusing to talk to each other, the laziness within me to move on a rainy day, debating whether a lie would be helpful for a situation, the desires to avoid, procrastinate, doubt, turn a blind uncaring eye, and all of this in one week. 

Oh the grace upon grace of this Mysterious One who infuses Glory into so weak a vessel. 

I seek,

 I long,

 I dare to hope for this transformation

 even now... 

Its a Choice...

I sat and talked through most of dinner last night about community, with a few people that were keen on starting a community over the next few years.  I was glad to hear the thought that they have been putting into this idea and not assuming they know how to be community, or that its as easy as living together and sharing.  To people who say they want to live in community, I find that I usually say something to the line of "you know its not easy don't you? You're going to be confronted with people who have different opinions than you, people who irritate you, people who are lazy or human, people who get it wrong, your going to be confronted with yourself."  Surprisingly this doesn't scare most people off (though maybe it should). Again and again, community offers the chance to offer grace, to realize that others as well as ourselves will get "it" wrong most of the time.  Communion with other people (another way of saying community) is a choice-- a choice to act on love rather than fear or anger or pride. And it is also a choice to trust--trusting that the other really is acting out of the best way that they can express love and best interest for others.
When this idea is acted upon well, laughter fills the halls and no one wants to leave the space because of the sweetness. When something gets in the way like fear, mistrust, or pride...the stones turn cold as words of hate are spoken and doors slam that you wonder if they will ever open again.
Last night some doors slammed as choices were made to hold on to mistrust that deeply grieved my heart.  I cannot, no matter how much I would like, make people choose love.  For those who did chose love last night I was privileged to watch the Congo line dance out the front door singing Backstreet Boys hits; then as I moved to the window to watch them walk away from the house, I saw the beauty of community as a group of people (who would not have even looked each others ways a few years ago), hung out for 5 more minutes on the sidewalk chatting away.  Nothing forced, no one could say well it my job, it was from their heart, their choice to choose Love.

A bit of writing without a title...

Here is a recent bit of words written down in creative form that I wrote.  I don't know what to title it but it stems from a few images from scripture, mixed in with experiences of waiting and watching and other encounters of life in each day:

The blossom awaits deep within
Looming in the uncertainty of future
Petal after gentle petal waiting.
The succulent smell of sweet grass
confident in their roots, daring toes to wiggle
in its soft tenderness.

I have waited all winter,
Spring is near past
And the scorching heat of summer threatens
The well made plans falter--
Part of brokenness that rears its ugly head;
This is not as it should be.

Who will water my tender Love?
Who will care for each blade and courageous root?
Will all stand by and shake as a leaf in the autumn wind from fear?
Will the strength, that once was, be mocked with pride?
Will ignorance ever profit the one who turns the eye away?

Oh valiant one, I see you,
Hiding where there is no fruit,
Are you filled with stone that drags to the depth of the sea?
Oh, that you were a stone upon a stone built into an alter
Meant for the sacrifice of the sweetest sweetness to my nostrils
Or  be as clay crushed, softened, molded for good pleasure
shaped into love as I Love.

Leaving Is On My Mind

I have leaving on my mind, since I left my mom's house and southern California yesterday, and most likely won't be back there or here at my sisters or Further north for a few years.  Having lived in this place where moving 1/2 an hour away is a long distance, requiring adjustment of life rhythms--even the idea of going half way across the world seems unfathomable to many. "Why would you want to go? Can't you teach English or anything else here?" And yet that is where I find myself--in the unfathomable...on the journey to go without a logical reason why--  6 months here and I can see why many who don't have the compunction to follow this Mysterious Way, tell me I am crazy for attempting this. It is hard to leave them because they have become great friends and I long for them to understand.  (some days I long for myself to understand too)  Other people who do understand more of this Mysterious Way, are hard to leave for so many other reasons...they are all family, they are a strong source of encouragement and challenge. These qualities among many others, make the ache of leaving great. I know I have a hard head and am stubborn and selfish, which makes it difficult to understand love; I do not say this ache exists to teach me, but this ache that I feel when I leave a place is what it takes sometimes to remind me that Love exists.  I am learning that Love goes with us, and is not as frightful as I once had thought.  I am thankful that I live in a generation where communication is made easy through emails and skype and blogs, but I am even more grateful that I belong to a Family that spans geographical, and time distances.  As I go, I meet more and more of my Family.  I feel kinda like glue that sticks to you, and attaches to something new. So for all of you who are remaining here on this side of the world be strong and courageous living generously by the Love of this Mysterious Way; embracing the stranger and the beautiful and abundant Life.  Know that I am full of a good strong healthy ache for all of you, and carry this love for you as I connect to others I am yet to meet.

I hear You call

What is Truth,
      and does it hurt;
like a longing in the heart
      like the pain in her eyes.
            -Does Truth satisfy all?

A sword to split hairs
      A mask to hinder grace;
like a wet bandage, adhesive is gone
      like being off balance, no room for error.
            -Am I that transparent?

This strong craving,
      Yet fearful to trust;
like butterflies in the stomach
      like the sudden sound of a siren
            -Is it worth the cost?

Love's not a sham,
      but has a mysterious name;
like an elephant on an egg
      like a feather on a duck.
            -Which one is it?

Do my ears deceive me,
      Is what I hear true;
like Cyrano de Bergerac
       like Romeo and Juliet.
            -Are you sure?

Have I wasted my time,
      Am I preserved in fear;
like a ravishing lover
      like the aroma of spices.
            -I hear You call.

Selction of a prayer I read today...

Fulfilling the words and proclamations of the God-bearing Prophets, O Jesus, Thou didst appear on earth, and thou Who art uncontainable didst dwell among men. Wherefore, being healed by Thy wounds, we learned to chant: 

Alleluia. 

When the light of Thy truth shone in the world, devilish delusion was driven away; for the idols, O our Saviour, have fallen, unable to endure Thy power. But we who have received salvation cry to Thee: 

Jesus, Truth dispelling falsehood. 

Jesus, Light transcending every light. 

Jesus, King surpassing all in strength. 

Jesus, God constant in mercy. 

Jesus, Bread of life, fill me who am hungry. 

Jesus, Well-spring of knowledge, refresh me who am thirsty. 

Jesus, Garment of gladness, clothe me who am naked. 

Jesus, Haven of joy, shelter me who am unworthy. 

Jesus, Giver to those who ask, grant me mourning for my sins. 

Jesus, Finder of those who seek, find my soul. 

Jesus, Opener to those who knock, open my hardened heart. 

Jesus, Redeemer of sinners, wash away my sins. 

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.