Liturgy For Welfare Week

(Based on Isaiah 57-58)
written by some friends in our neighbourhood at Jacob's Well

Eternal One,
You who live in a high and holy place,
but also with those who are contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive their hearts

We gather once again on cheque week,
lifting up our neighbours, whom we love,
as they spin through another unjust cylce of having, spending, and needing.
It is the rhythm of this place
and though we love this place, we hate this welfare rhythm.

We lament that our friends and nieghbours are given money
that helps them survive, but does not encouurage them to thrive.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that does nothing to break the cylce of poverty.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to loose the chains of injustice.

We grieve the fact that our friends and neighbours are given money
but dettered from offering back, earning money and serving their community with dignity.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that entrenches their role as passive recipients.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to break every yoke.

We are frusterated that our friends and neighbours are given money
but raely offered the opportunity for life-giving relationship
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that keeps the rich comfortably distant from the poor.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry.

We are angry that our friends and neighbours who are battling addictions
will face great temptation this week, many without support or hope of freedom.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that enables pain-numbing, but not wound-healing.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to satisfy the needs of the oppressed.

Jesus, for the times when we turn away from our own flesh and blood, our fellow humans,
Forgive us.
For our pointing fingers and our malicious talk,
Forgive us.
For our hunger for power and control, and our reluctance to lay it down,
Forgive us.

Yahweh says, "I have seen your ways, but I will heal you;
Peace, peacee to those far and near."

Lord, we long to be like a well-watered garden;
like a spring whose waters never fail.
We long to see yourlight break forth like the dawn;
we long for your healing to appear.
May your Kingdom come!
Amen. Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Conversations On Welfare Wednesday

Welfare Wednesday Alternative Space

“What is it exactly that you do? What is the purpose of this block party?” receiving this question from people that are close and people far away has brought me to write this glimpse of what today, November 23^rd, a Wednesday looked like—a day that people receive their cheques, a hand out, from the government and we set up an Alternative Safe Space. These are the varieties of conversations that are had during the day.

Prayer: 24 hours of prayer, from midnight to midnight through Wednesday. As I entered the prayer space from 12-3, I waited on the Lord and thanked him for his faithfulness through our weaknesses. Asking that today would be a tool for God’s transforming work to be done. There is a liturgy that I prayed over the day, our neighbours and our societal systems that entrench places of bondage. as a gathering of many communities, it is a prayer we have prayed in unity many times on welfare Wednesday.

E******th: E******th, is a jolly friend from the neighborhood. I met her within the first few weeks, but as she says “Oh girl, I’ve always been around. Gosh I know everybody.” We sat on the couch talking about how she always gets down when someone dies, like “Grandma”. Though not related “Grandma” holds a special place in many women’s hearts here in this neighbourhood. It was the first I had heard of it so we talked about her memories and how they were holding a memorial for her out on the island and then also in the DTES.

J*****e: “Did you like the food?” She asks with a glow about her face. “Yes Friend, out of all places to get a job I am glad you chose the Mexican restaurant.” It was just that week that a couple of us from the team went down on the day the restaurant opened to support her and show our excitement for the new job. We joke around a bit, and my heart is cheered to see her so at ease. It has been several months that she has been looking for work and has been worried that without a job, finding permanent housing would be a problem. We also chat about “grandma” and then she says she has signed up for the free shuttle to the store to do some bulk shopping for the month, and it is time to go.

S***h: I have been journeying with S***h for about 7months, and hadn’t seen her for a few weeks, so I had been happy that she came looking for me at the Alternative space. Yet as we talked my heart grew heavy at all the challenges there are to “getting life back on track”. As she cried on my shoulder I prayed for wisdom to know how to respond to such grief. “I feel like there is a brick wall blocking me from my children and I don’t see the end to it. It is hard to stay on this path. How come those that don’t care for their children, and those that abuse my children the system allows for them to keep and have custody over the children, and though I am there mother, and though I confess the truth that in the past I have made some wrong decisions, their money and lies get them what they want and my hard journey to get clean and sober and straighten my life gives me pain? What that says to me is that those who choose to be selfish, and those that choose to do drugs and drink, that they get it all, and I get nothing. Ruth it’s just not right. The system is corrupt, and I am the one that suffers. All I want to do is make a good home with my two youngest boys who need love and care. I don’t care about the money or any of that I just want my kids to not have to suffer abuse anymore. Why do they have to suffer because of someone else’s problem. They are not letting me even have visits which I am entitled to, and have cut off communication. It’s just not right.” In this lamentation she also tells about a couple positives. It is a good thing that she graduates from her program on Dec.8, and a good thing that she starts school again in January. “I am determined this is the path I want but so many things are out of my control and I worry about them.” One other of these things is that she is still waiting on BC housing for an opening (because she is single with no children living with her, she is low on the priority and the list is long, but in order to even think about getting her kids back she needs stable housing.)

Chatting as we get coffee:

*“How are you today?” response, “Really struggling, I know I would be out there if it wasn’t for this place.

*“Is today the day you get a cheque?” “No I get mine on Monday from ----, It’s still good to get off the fast track for a bit. It can get kinda crazy.”

*“Wow this is real coffee. I could make five of my cups from just one of these” he said pointing to his freshly brewed coffee.

A***l: “Though I have other vices, I gave up my cocaine for my cats; my cats come first…” Just to quote one of her insights into her life. Though there may be a lot of brokenness in this world, Angel was a face of God’s generosity, thoughtfulness, and encouragement swirled up with chaos and spontaneous behaviors and expletives. She bought at least 7burgers for others, and stood and talked with me for half an hour as I fixed burgers.

Rockin’ Ronny: Celebrated one year clean and sober with us at the Alternative Space. Full of praise and thankfulness, he came down to hang with us all saying he couldn’t think of a place he’d rather be than to “laugh and praise God with brothers and sisters”.

Congratulations to you Ronny for a making it through a whole year. Way to stick it out!

May the Lord keep you and guide you in this next year.

Swallow: An older Chinese woman came up to C***s who was playing guitar, shyly asking can I sing a song? When he said yes her face lit up. “I see skies are blue and red roses to …I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do…” It was the first time I have ever heard that song done inn the Chinese Opera style. At the end we all clapped and she beamed with joy saying “I just learned that song yesterday! I Love it, I love it! I learn two. I sing second, yes?” For the next few minutes there was a confusing version of “er be home for Christmas, if onry in my dreams…” and that I loved.

I took a walk half way through the day: There is a time and a need to pause and gain again perspective on what God is doing in the day. I walked out with my mind full of many conversations, sights and smells of brokenness. The sun was shining for the first time in several days, so I headed to crab park that boarders the water by one of the shipping yards. “God I need your eyes to see this day. I see death and destruction, hurting and spiritually hungry people that are self medicating. Open my eyes again to your hope that hovers over chaos. God come with your kingdom here in this time and place.” I sat in the sun by the water praying. “Praise Me.” Ok. “You’ve broken down the barrier walls, and abolished our hate, All things reconciled…strangers no longer now but brothers and sisters; we believe Lord and we await; all things reconciled by the blood of Jesus, all things Reconciled by the cross of Christ. Making Peace, Making Peace…” A song of hope that we sing here in this community, lead to other songs. I sat singing my heart out for a while “ For the hungry, for the broken we cry out for your mercy…” by the time I left I felt like dancing, and that is what I did for the next four blocks back to the Alternative space; I stomped and clapped and sang out “Children walk in the Power. Children Walk in the Power. Walk in the power, children, Walk in the power, walk in the power, walk in the power Children…” For we, in this present darkness, hold the power of change within these earthen vessels—our very own bodies; a mix of holy and dirt. Come Lord. Let your spirit move in power. Empower Your children to walk in Your life. Come Holy Spirit, Come.

Beautiful Holy

(This is something i wrote using parts from my journals over the past several months. Relationships and experiences lay behind what is written, too many stories to write, and events that i don't know how to share exist between the lines of this... prayer of sorts. It is addressed to Beautiful Holy a name i have recently been taking up in conversation with the figure normally called the Holy Spirit. It is a name that to me expresses some of the mystery, truth, and awe of the closeness as i engage in conversation. )


Beautiful Holy,
You arise in us a contrast of us and you, and you the Beautiful-Holy so patiently work to bring in the Kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. That is how you taught us to pray, and i ask myself can i handle what it means "on earth as in heaven"? This prayer calls deep for life and change. I come with fear and trembling, and with confidence knowing you are a good God. What are you calling to me?
Change grates on my skin, but determined to sing your praise i stand and rhythmically move in the dark. This is my dance before you.

Locked in the familiarity of hate we hold the key you have already given, it is the size of a mustard seed; we pierce through the wall with love and let the flood rush out over us.

Your Love was no more understandable after your death than before; so we ask for your eyes to love our enemies, those that take advantage of love, and those that seek to destroy You, but cannot.

Give us Your mind dear Saviour to know when and how to speak, to know when to spit in the mud, to reach out and heal, and when to draw in the sand while the truth penetrates through the silence. Teach us your wisdom that has turned this world upside-down with its presence.

My life is a shambles a disheveled heap a wreak. I keep nothing orderly or pure, i lack discipline and perseverance that it takes to pursue or draw near to anything or anyone, let alone God. I sit and agree all of our human striving is vanity. Yet how can pursuing justice, love and mercy be in vain? I stand in my struggle and am drained of power. i can fix nothing. I have nothing.

How can i give when i have nothing? I stand in my own struggle of seeing myself as disempowered, how can i tell others of their dignity and worth if i see myself without strength? where does my breath come from? ...although all physical strength is gone, there is still each breath that comes at Your bidding filling my bones with life and i also raise from a dry valley, so i boast in YOU...you are everything i have...you are everything. My soul stands in awe at what it sees. It is a gift of great value, and yet I can only invite people into something that i myself have accepted.

Jesus i receive your love for me, i let it flow over and overflow my being, let it be a fragrance to those who are skeptical, to those who have drawn near. YOUR LOVE IS NOT A SECRET, let me shout it from the rooftops, and sit with those who do not understand in silent reflection of your unfathomable love.

You draw us into the struggle of Love and bring us to our knees as we pray to love those who know only how to inflict pain. We embody the love they are afraid to embrace...

I see your face when i open the door to our home. You are covered over by shame and the stench of smelly shoes that fills our hallway and everything that is cast at the broken- a weight of guilt to those without strength, but still you are present there.

i also see the dreaded and the fearsome and that their justice and dignity go forth from themselves on the backs of those who call out for Help. what i see is like Habakkuk said, you make mankind like like the fish of the sea, like the crawling things with no ruler; where the one who perverts justice brings up the poor with a hook and net and drags them to shore and is glad and rejoices at what he can getaway with. Is he then to keep on emptying his net and mercilessly killing nations forever?

No matter the dark You are there. it is as light to you; there is no need to fear it. Being surrounded in dark i find you there working, and playing and singing over all you have created.

For You O Lord, see the nations, You see your people, you see the lost lamb, you see the aggressive bear--and the cub inside that it tries to protect. You see and You hear. " I will make my stand at the watch post and station myself on the tower and look out and see what you O Lord will say to me and what i will answer to my complaint.

For you are Not a slow God, and you will not be patient forever. Though for now there is trouble in the world we will not fear. Death has been conquered. Life is being breathed into our very being. I rise with you today and live today. May i please The One who has called me. I do not fool myself to think that there are no consequences to a life lived upside-down in a world that is "right-side" up. Great Provider i ask for proper attire for the journey ahead, and not too heavy of a mantel that i would only be able to go half way. I follow you in full awareness,
My Lord was only resurrected after he was crucified. Glorified and Risen Master, help me see the beauty in the suffering don't let my eyes grow dim with dismay. And do not let me miss the party and feast that celebrates the return of even the least of your children.
Come, Beautiful Holy, abide and bring to the surface the heart of God and intercede beyond where my words can go.

places that make a difference

"Nope, no we have already started..." i was told an advocate for women meeting was being held, and i was late. knowing i could not join i wanted to see just a peek. i peer into the room and look around. At first glance i know this was not what i expected. This was not a bunch of do good women sitting around in a board meeting talking about how they could the women on the street, these were the woman of the street, who wanted to have a safe place to talk and be bold women with dignity. It would have been an experience so different yet strangely what i wanted. The lead woman who was saying they were started gave me a look and then said, "oh what the hell, come on in." I stand there a bit shocked that they would let me in. I am new to the group and i arrived late. the rules are no showing up late, be from the DTES, be a woman, have problems. Did they really think i fit that description, i thought as i stepped toward the group of five women. i stand by the group for a moment because there is no open chair. The woman star at me ""grab a chair--wait, are you a street worker? "no" i shake my head. Are you an addict? "no" i lower my head as i shake it, my hopes of staying and seeing what the meeting is like quickly dissipate. Have you ever smoked even cigarettes? i look up, that i can nod my head to as i say in a slight voice, a few times. "well then, Ok grab a seat." i walk over to the corner for a chair thinking the whole time what have you got yourself into and where is my friend that said she was coming too. as i sit the leader tells me they have been sharing about their week, and then one of the other girls picks back up by swearing a string of words to mark the fact that she had been interrupted by my coming late and that she had lost her train of thought. Welfare wednesday had past since they had met as a group last so as we go around sharing each tell what they did with their welfare money and how they don't remember the day, or how they messed up by not buying all in one lump but in a bunch of smaller amounts. as i sit listening i enjoy being an insider even if it is for a moment, i am hearing things from these women that on the street they don't dare to say, and i wonder what i will share. As i start my turn to answer the command to tell them about myself i tell that i have been here a year and a half--they look at me like that explains the fresh blood look--then i tell them i am from the states and they are interested to crawl into my suit case when i go home. i share an experience or two that i have had and then it is over--i passed the test, they said i was welcome to be there and passed me "Fat Rat", saying" if you like 'Fat Rat' then your in" --i don't know if they are joking or serious and i don't dare ask. but the meeting continues on and i really enjoy hanging out, even though the topic was legal advocacy i did not feel awkward about not having an outstanding ticket or warrant because there was a woman who after ten years of being here still was non-existent to the police. i was not half as offended as she was that the police did not know my name, and wouldn't be able to find me in their system no matter how hard they searched.

The whole time i could not help but think, this is where i want to be, right here talking and hanging with my new friends, that this was a connecting point i could fit into. that i did not want to inflict change on them but i wanted to be with them, and live knowing we both exist. Someone i know has set the example and i want to follow (matt.9:9-12) even if i know it was only because of my bald head that i got in the door.

A gift beyond

Birth in me something new this Christmas; For you, the God who called Moses into the Thick darkness, you cry out with compassion "I have come to set the captives free, giving sight to the blind, delivering good news to the poor". Rejoice! Oh, do rejoice with me, for the Lord who has broken and crushed this spirit, will heal!

Trying to put words to thoughts & feelings

My face is pressed to the ground
my nostrils fill with dust
Pools of sweat,
pools of tears
Pools of bloodshed that is not my own.

Cover Me, my flesh cries out!
Bones protruding,
Hope diluted and distilled
Living Presence, clear as mud.

Crazy and foolish, that’s what you are
cause of beauty, giver of life
Fresh
and refresh
and refresh again
Benevolent in your domain
you bring to dust and then breath in life

Yet you’re compelling, I crave nothing more
the confidence and strength scares me
such a powerful weapon placed in a child’s hands.
Daddy I don’t know what to do with PEACE!

(segments if an attempted poem)

A few Highlights and Quotes

While building relationships with others there are times when i am struck with the pure Genius of God in creating humans to be dependant creatures. There is the joy of meeting old friends again whom you have not seen for a while(sometimes in years), there is the heavy heart when friends must part and go their way after periods of spending time in community. There are moments when we rejoice together in the abundance of life, and still other moments when we cry out hoping others will hear what we cannot say.
Yet everyday God supplies us the gift of interdependence. i realize that here in relationship, God has his way of speaking and teaching and drawing us to The Creator and Sustaining One via the use of us in each others lives. These past weeks has been a weeks of hearing the words of God pronounced in unlikely places; and recognizing yet again that this is not so unusual, almost a habit of God's.
But why am i shocked and why do i continue to believe that such circumstances are "unlikely"? God did after all create it so that the "foolish things of the world shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even the things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are..." (1 Corinthians 1:27) and also rejoicing that the Father of Heaven and earth has "hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little Children; yes Father for such was your gracious will"(Matthew 11:25). It is true, the Lord--Our Lord is doing mighty works in our world, do i have eyes to see it?

Here are a few quotes from conversations and lines that have

caught me off guard or made me think:

"Thanks God for times of devastation because then i see your grace..."

Deborah-a woman from the street prayed this.

"How do i be a host to the world? I am hosted but how do i live with impact?"

a humble woman who is not aware of her impact.

"Bad people break good laws, and good people break bad Laws."

Jayden 6year old living in our community.

Dances of Hope and Pearls of Great Price

I look at them

They Look at me

I see the beauty in their eyes

They say don't touch my hands, i am contaminated

They shout their pain

I hear their words

They say they are lost

I hear their search for God

We long for words of Truth and affirmation

I smell the stench

They are used to the smell

I cover my nose as i try to listen

They repeat the same tales ...again

I get bored and don't pay attention to the miracle before my eyes

God is teaching us

We are His pupils together

God declares His Kingdom Here

They arise and Dance with hope

I am humbled to the bottom of the heap and find a lasting pearl of great price.