"Nope, no we have already started..." i was told an advocate for women meeting was being held, and i was late. knowing i could not join i wanted to see just a peek. i peer into the room and look around. At first glance i know this was not what i expected. This was not a bunch of do good women sitting around in a board meeting talking about how they could the women on the street, these were the woman of the street, who wanted to have a safe place to talk and be bold women with dignity. It would have been an experience so different yet strangely what i wanted. The lead woman who was saying they were started gave me a look and then said, "oh what the hell, come on in." I stand there a bit shocked that they would let me in. I am new to the group and i arrived late. the rules are no showing up late, be from the DTES, be a woman, have problems. Did they really think i fit that description, i thought as i stepped toward the group of five women. i stand by the group for a moment because there is no open chair. The woman star at me ""grab a chair--wait, are you a street worker? "no" i shake my head. Are you an addict? "no" i lower my head as i shake it, my hopes of staying and seeing what the meeting is like quickly dissipate. Have you ever smoked even cigarettes? i look up, that i can nod my head to as i say in a slight voice, a few times. "well then, Ok grab a seat." i walk over to the corner for a chair thinking the whole time what have you got yourself into and where is my friend that said she was coming too. as i sit the leader tells me they have been sharing about their week, and then one of the other girls picks back up by swearing a string of words to mark the fact that she had been interrupted by my coming late and that she had lost her train of thought. Welfare wednesday had past since they had met as a group last so as we go around sharing each tell what they did with their welfare money and how they don't remember the day, or how they messed up by not buying all in one lump but in a bunch of smaller amounts. as i sit listening i enjoy being an insider even if it is for a moment, i am hearing things from these women that on the street they don't dare to say, and i wonder what i will share. As i start my turn to answer the command to tell them about myself i tell that i have been here a year and a half--they look at me like that explains the fresh blood look--then i tell them i am from the states and they are interested to crawl into my suit case when i go home. i share an experience or two that i have had and then it is over--i passed the test, they said i was welcome to be there and passed me "Fat Rat", saying" if you like 'Fat Rat' then your in" --i don't know if they are joking or serious and i don't dare ask. but the meeting continues on and i really enjoy hanging out, even though the topic was legal advocacy i did not feel awkward about not having an outstanding ticket or warrant because there was a woman who after ten years of being here still was non-existent to the police. i was not half as offended as she was that the police did not know my name, and wouldn't be able to find me in their system no matter how hard they searched.
The whole time i could not help but think, this is where i want to be, right here talking and hanging with my new friends, that this was a connecting point i could fit into. that i did not want to inflict change on them but i wanted to be with them, and live knowing we both exist. Someone i know has set the example and i want to follow (matt.9:9-12) even if i know it was only because of my bald head that i got in the door.
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