The Gift of Hearing

       My day starts with a tweet; not the modern kind that uses man made technology, but the soft sound of a young bird who can't stay still anymore because the sun is coming. the coo of a mourning dove tells it that it is not yet dawn and an owl of some sort agrees. The young bird's friends are awake now and start chirping their excitement for the dawn that will be.
       No, I am not in a rural location these birds have found their home on roof tops, telephone wires and my neighbors Banana tree that hangs right outside the window.  As I awake to this conversation I can hear the sound of a city that never stops--buzzes and whirs and faint honks of horns that in the early morning seem to travel three times the distance in the morning hush.
      The sounds are the presence of a world around me and a settling in to the understanding that I am only a small part of all of this.  My own insignificance sets me up to listen to others, and as I shift to a sitting position I hear that though a small part I contribute to all of this in my own way.
      More sounds flood my ears as the hours progress: the laugh of children walking to school, Hispanic music from across the alley, the call of "tamales" from the street seller,  the gong in the distance from the Buddhist temple around the corner, the parrots in the trees on my bike ride, the sound of waves crashing on the beach ...
      As the day goes on I recognize the greatest joy--Each sound calls for a response, and I as the Hearer am invited into a connection with what I hear. I participate in conversations listening and responding--the ability to interact because we have heard, and the delight it gives to respond well to what I hear. I am called into response with my entire being. It reminds me of the cosmic conversation,  that seems like a mystery is waiting to be revealed each day. Part of this gift is hearing.  In Jesus' words and the words of the ancient prophets "to him who has ears to hear, let him hear."

A prayer I Pray today:

Father,

I abandon myself into your hands;

do with me what you will.

Whatever you may do, I thank you:

I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,

and in all your creatures.

I wish no more than this, O Lord


Into your hands I commend my soul;

I offer it to you

with all the love of my heart,

for I love you Lord,

and so need to give myself,

to surrender myself into your hands,

without reserve,

and with boundless confidence,

for you are my Father.


Charles Foucald

The Gift of Touch

"And a one, two three, five six seven, one, two three, five six seven..." our instructor counted out the basic rhythm of Salsa as we in the class felt like contortionists trying to follow his directions When he demonstrated the moves, they looked as smooth as butter, but in our attempts we were off beat and stepping in opposite directions.  "Keep the connection--that is your communication tool as you dance; relax--feel the movement and respond..."  We still didn't get it, and us who were supposed to be relaxed and being led, kept trying to step out thinking we knew what we were supposed to do.  

So came the next instructions "Followers, close your eyes." 

Without sight, the sense of touch was highlighted-- I could feel everything. 

The beat of the music increased, the gentlest pressure on the shoulder was felt and the softest brush on the palm of the hand spoke of what the one leader was asking of me. I thought to myself "wow, I have not honestly allowed myself to feel the presence of others in a long time." When in Vancouver I offered to others to hold their hand when they were in they were sick and in the hospital, I gave hugs to women who were crying on the streets, I was happy to give, and yet not so willing to receive. I can't say I am any better now. One thing is for sure, that hour of being led with my eyes closed gave me a glimpse into the reason touch is one of the five major ways we receive love, and maybe why Jesus' touch had the power to heal.  I know the lesson is not yet over; I still find that there are some holds and moves that I resist.  Lord teach me the trust of dancing with my eyes closed through life, that I may truly see. 

Life today...

        A lot has changed since the last time I posted anything on this blog. Though starting new seems like a good idea that's not really how life works; so I will just describe a little of life now so that when you read you can maybe picture or understand what I am saying easier. (though understanding me at all may be challenging since I like pictures and stories more than saying one thing in a direct way.)
       Today is a warm sunny day and even though it is the end of April it has been bright and warm for many months. That is one of the things about Long Beach, Ca. that I have been enjoying...the sun. How the light and sun have an effect on our physical, and emotional health, is more intricate than I have studied in order to understand all the whys, but the reality is, it does have a strong effect on me.  I have thanked God many times for allowing me to spend these months in a sunny place.  The same goes for the affects of The Son on us--The warmth of The Light being present, and growing in understanding of all the intricate ways True Light shines and effects us, amazes me.  I was reminded of this when I waited for the dawn on Easter morning.             Waiting for the Sun and the Son to dawn in my darkness.
       I read and study; and the more I study the more patience is required of me because I am learning how much I don't know, and that it is not yet time to know what I want to know.  (I am speaking of reality and in analogy at this point) "Khau hswe" a basic Burmese word for noodle. Now I know there are many kinds of noodles and many ways of cooking noodles and they each have their own name, but I am not ready to learn all those names, for me to learn the word (or more accurately re-learn the word) yesterday will have to be enough for the moment.  So I wait with longing for the dawn that will come, I wait for the day when I will be ready to use the real name for thick fried rice noodles rather than generic noodle, and I wait for the day I can book my flights to the place my heart knows--and though I Long to know, I know it is not time to know when...yet.
       Other descriptors of daily life...well, location and studying are the main parts, though each day is intertwined with the surprise of the Spirit leading here or there, to this person or that place, and sometimes I pay attention and other times I don't.  That's life today.

Liturgy For Welfare Week

(Based on Isaiah 57-58)
written by some friends in our neighbourhood at Jacob's Well

Eternal One,
You who live in a high and holy place,
but also with those who are contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive their hearts

We gather once again on cheque week,
lifting up our neighbours, whom we love,
as they spin through another unjust cylce of having, spending, and needing.
It is the rhythm of this place
and though we love this place, we hate this welfare rhythm.

We lament that our friends and nieghbours are given money
that helps them survive, but does not encouurage them to thrive.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that does nothing to break the cylce of poverty.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to loose the chains of injustice.

We grieve the fact that our friends and neighbours are given money
but dettered from offering back, earning money and serving their community with dignity.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that entrenches their role as passive recipients.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to break every yoke.

We are frusterated that our friends and neighbours are given money
but raely offered the opportunity for life-giving relationship
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that keeps the rich comfortably distant from the poor.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry.

We are angry that our friends and neighbours who are battling addictions
will face great temptation this week, many without support or hope of freedom.
We refuse to be satisfied with a system that enables pain-numbing, but not wound-healing.
(Pause)
Jesus, teach us how to satisfy the needs of the oppressed.

Jesus, for the times when we turn away from our own flesh and blood, our fellow humans,
Forgive us.
For our pointing fingers and our malicious talk,
Forgive us.
For our hunger for power and control, and our reluctance to lay it down,
Forgive us.

Yahweh says, "I have seen your ways, but I will heal you;
Peace, peacee to those far and near."

Lord, we long to be like a well-watered garden;
like a spring whose waters never fail.
We long to see yourlight break forth like the dawn;
we long for your healing to appear.
May your Kingdom come!
Amen. Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Conversations On Welfare Wednesday

Welfare Wednesday Alternative Space

“What is it exactly that you do? What is the purpose of this block party?” receiving this question from people that are close and people far away has brought me to write this glimpse of what today, November 23^rd, a Wednesday looked like—a day that people receive their cheques, a hand out, from the government and we set up an Alternative Safe Space. These are the varieties of conversations that are had during the day.

Prayer: 24 hours of prayer, from midnight to midnight through Wednesday. As I entered the prayer space from 12-3, I waited on the Lord and thanked him for his faithfulness through our weaknesses. Asking that today would be a tool for God’s transforming work to be done. There is a liturgy that I prayed over the day, our neighbours and our societal systems that entrench places of bondage. as a gathering of many communities, it is a prayer we have prayed in unity many times on welfare Wednesday.

E******th: E******th, is a jolly friend from the neighborhood. I met her within the first few weeks, but as she says “Oh girl, I’ve always been around. Gosh I know everybody.” We sat on the couch talking about how she always gets down when someone dies, like “Grandma”. Though not related “Grandma” holds a special place in many women’s hearts here in this neighbourhood. It was the first I had heard of it so we talked about her memories and how they were holding a memorial for her out on the island and then also in the DTES.

J*****e: “Did you like the food?” She asks with a glow about her face. “Yes Friend, out of all places to get a job I am glad you chose the Mexican restaurant.” It was just that week that a couple of us from the team went down on the day the restaurant opened to support her and show our excitement for the new job. We joke around a bit, and my heart is cheered to see her so at ease. It has been several months that she has been looking for work and has been worried that without a job, finding permanent housing would be a problem. We also chat about “grandma” and then she says she has signed up for the free shuttle to the store to do some bulk shopping for the month, and it is time to go.

S***h: I have been journeying with S***h for about 7months, and hadn’t seen her for a few weeks, so I had been happy that she came looking for me at the Alternative space. Yet as we talked my heart grew heavy at all the challenges there are to “getting life back on track”. As she cried on my shoulder I prayed for wisdom to know how to respond to such grief. “I feel like there is a brick wall blocking me from my children and I don’t see the end to it. It is hard to stay on this path. How come those that don’t care for their children, and those that abuse my children the system allows for them to keep and have custody over the children, and though I am there mother, and though I confess the truth that in the past I have made some wrong decisions, their money and lies get them what they want and my hard journey to get clean and sober and straighten my life gives me pain? What that says to me is that those who choose to be selfish, and those that choose to do drugs and drink, that they get it all, and I get nothing. Ruth it’s just not right. The system is corrupt, and I am the one that suffers. All I want to do is make a good home with my two youngest boys who need love and care. I don’t care about the money or any of that I just want my kids to not have to suffer abuse anymore. Why do they have to suffer because of someone else’s problem. They are not letting me even have visits which I am entitled to, and have cut off communication. It’s just not right.” In this lamentation she also tells about a couple positives. It is a good thing that she graduates from her program on Dec.8, and a good thing that she starts school again in January. “I am determined this is the path I want but so many things are out of my control and I worry about them.” One other of these things is that she is still waiting on BC housing for an opening (because she is single with no children living with her, she is low on the priority and the list is long, but in order to even think about getting her kids back she needs stable housing.)

Chatting as we get coffee:

*“How are you today?” response, “Really struggling, I know I would be out there if it wasn’t for this place.

*“Is today the day you get a cheque?” “No I get mine on Monday from ----, It’s still good to get off the fast track for a bit. It can get kinda crazy.”

*“Wow this is real coffee. I could make five of my cups from just one of these” he said pointing to his freshly brewed coffee.

A***l: “Though I have other vices, I gave up my cocaine for my cats; my cats come first…” Just to quote one of her insights into her life. Though there may be a lot of brokenness in this world, Angel was a face of God’s generosity, thoughtfulness, and encouragement swirled up with chaos and spontaneous behaviors and expletives. She bought at least 7burgers for others, and stood and talked with me for half an hour as I fixed burgers.

Rockin’ Ronny: Celebrated one year clean and sober with us at the Alternative Space. Full of praise and thankfulness, he came down to hang with us all saying he couldn’t think of a place he’d rather be than to “laugh and praise God with brothers and sisters”.

Congratulations to you Ronny for a making it through a whole year. Way to stick it out!

May the Lord keep you and guide you in this next year.

Swallow: An older Chinese woman came up to C***s who was playing guitar, shyly asking can I sing a song? When he said yes her face lit up. “I see skies are blue and red roses to …I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do…” It was the first time I have ever heard that song done inn the Chinese Opera style. At the end we all clapped and she beamed with joy saying “I just learned that song yesterday! I Love it, I love it! I learn two. I sing second, yes?” For the next few minutes there was a confusing version of “er be home for Christmas, if onry in my dreams…” and that I loved.

I took a walk half way through the day: There is a time and a need to pause and gain again perspective on what God is doing in the day. I walked out with my mind full of many conversations, sights and smells of brokenness. The sun was shining for the first time in several days, so I headed to crab park that boarders the water by one of the shipping yards. “God I need your eyes to see this day. I see death and destruction, hurting and spiritually hungry people that are self medicating. Open my eyes again to your hope that hovers over chaos. God come with your kingdom here in this time and place.” I sat in the sun by the water praying. “Praise Me.” Ok. “You’ve broken down the barrier walls, and abolished our hate, All things reconciled…strangers no longer now but brothers and sisters; we believe Lord and we await; all things reconciled by the blood of Jesus, all things Reconciled by the cross of Christ. Making Peace, Making Peace…” A song of hope that we sing here in this community, lead to other songs. I sat singing my heart out for a while “ For the hungry, for the broken we cry out for your mercy…” by the time I left I felt like dancing, and that is what I did for the next four blocks back to the Alternative space; I stomped and clapped and sang out “Children walk in the Power. Children Walk in the Power. Walk in the power, children, Walk in the power, walk in the power, walk in the power Children…” For we, in this present darkness, hold the power of change within these earthen vessels—our very own bodies; a mix of holy and dirt. Come Lord. Let your spirit move in power. Empower Your children to walk in Your life. Come Holy Spirit, Come.

Beautiful Holy

(This is something i wrote using parts from my journals over the past several months. Relationships and experiences lay behind what is written, too many stories to write, and events that i don't know how to share exist between the lines of this... prayer of sorts. It is addressed to Beautiful Holy a name i have recently been taking up in conversation with the figure normally called the Holy Spirit. It is a name that to me expresses some of the mystery, truth, and awe of the closeness as i engage in conversation. )


Beautiful Holy,
You arise in us a contrast of us and you, and you the Beautiful-Holy so patiently work to bring in the Kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. That is how you taught us to pray, and i ask myself can i handle what it means "on earth as in heaven"? This prayer calls deep for life and change. I come with fear and trembling, and with confidence knowing you are a good God. What are you calling to me?
Change grates on my skin, but determined to sing your praise i stand and rhythmically move in the dark. This is my dance before you.

Locked in the familiarity of hate we hold the key you have already given, it is the size of a mustard seed; we pierce through the wall with love and let the flood rush out over us.

Your Love was no more understandable after your death than before; so we ask for your eyes to love our enemies, those that take advantage of love, and those that seek to destroy You, but cannot.

Give us Your mind dear Saviour to know when and how to speak, to know when to spit in the mud, to reach out and heal, and when to draw in the sand while the truth penetrates through the silence. Teach us your wisdom that has turned this world upside-down with its presence.

My life is a shambles a disheveled heap a wreak. I keep nothing orderly or pure, i lack discipline and perseverance that it takes to pursue or draw near to anything or anyone, let alone God. I sit and agree all of our human striving is vanity. Yet how can pursuing justice, love and mercy be in vain? I stand in my struggle and am drained of power. i can fix nothing. I have nothing.

How can i give when i have nothing? I stand in my own struggle of seeing myself as disempowered, how can i tell others of their dignity and worth if i see myself without strength? where does my breath come from? ...although all physical strength is gone, there is still each breath that comes at Your bidding filling my bones with life and i also raise from a dry valley, so i boast in YOU...you are everything i have...you are everything. My soul stands in awe at what it sees. It is a gift of great value, and yet I can only invite people into something that i myself have accepted.

Jesus i receive your love for me, i let it flow over and overflow my being, let it be a fragrance to those who are skeptical, to those who have drawn near. YOUR LOVE IS NOT A SECRET, let me shout it from the rooftops, and sit with those who do not understand in silent reflection of your unfathomable love.

You draw us into the struggle of Love and bring us to our knees as we pray to love those who know only how to inflict pain. We embody the love they are afraid to embrace...

I see your face when i open the door to our home. You are covered over by shame and the stench of smelly shoes that fills our hallway and everything that is cast at the broken- a weight of guilt to those without strength, but still you are present there.

i also see the dreaded and the fearsome and that their justice and dignity go forth from themselves on the backs of those who call out for Help. what i see is like Habakkuk said, you make mankind like like the fish of the sea, like the crawling things with no ruler; where the one who perverts justice brings up the poor with a hook and net and drags them to shore and is glad and rejoices at what he can getaway with. Is he then to keep on emptying his net and mercilessly killing nations forever?

No matter the dark You are there. it is as light to you; there is no need to fear it. Being surrounded in dark i find you there working, and playing and singing over all you have created.

For You O Lord, see the nations, You see your people, you see the lost lamb, you see the aggressive bear--and the cub inside that it tries to protect. You see and You hear. " I will make my stand at the watch post and station myself on the tower and look out and see what you O Lord will say to me and what i will answer to my complaint.

For you are Not a slow God, and you will not be patient forever. Though for now there is trouble in the world we will not fear. Death has been conquered. Life is being breathed into our very being. I rise with you today and live today. May i please The One who has called me. I do not fool myself to think that there are no consequences to a life lived upside-down in a world that is "right-side" up. Great Provider i ask for proper attire for the journey ahead, and not too heavy of a mantel that i would only be able to go half way. I follow you in full awareness,
My Lord was only resurrected after he was crucified. Glorified and Risen Master, help me see the beauty in the suffering don't let my eyes grow dim with dismay. And do not let me miss the party and feast that celebrates the return of even the least of your children.
Come, Beautiful Holy, abide and bring to the surface the heart of God and intercede beyond where my words can go.